Why and How I also See the Best in Humanity

Some of you, both white and black, may wonder whether I have become "bitter and twisted" from past and present racism I have experienced, seen, heard or read about (and some of you may believe I also "imagine," "misperceive," or even "have delusions about" in today's society), and am just using this blog as my personal "vomitorium" (sic) to spew pent up rage and victim-identification.

I hope you will consider the following:

1. I am not blaming any individuals for racism except those who actively and wittingly promote and support it. However, it would be irresponsible of me at this point not to highlight its structural, systemic, and implicit expressions in today's world and in people's conditioning.

2. Racism, in my relatively well-informed opintion, is the darkest part of the American collective shadow. Insofar as we call ourselves Americans, we wittingly or unwittingly also take its history, consequences, and current existance on board. What I am trying to do in my own small way is to awaken people to this unremitting truth so that what is wrong can be set right, what is stained and soiled can be cleansed, what is broken can be repaired, what is wounded can be healed, and what is beyond repair can be recycled in our structures, and institutions; in our policies and in our subconscious minds; in the very soul of our collective identity as the United States of America. I can't imagine a more patriotic act, and I served in the U.S. military for 30 years.

3. I do this little blog for myself and, yes, for the sakes of my daughter and my family, and every black person in the Western World. But I also do it for my white cousins: my beloved white family and friends, co-workers, acquaintances and strangers alike. We who have been labeled White and Black cannot truly embrace our full humanity, brotherhood and sisterhood until we have created a world wherein we have consensual agreement and common experience that, all other things being equal, so are we, and from a baseline of universal, fundamental rights and dignity we can seek out our individual destinies in peace and harmony as a nation. It starts with racism but must include becoming free of pervasive sexism, classism, able-ism, and genderism.

4. I want you to know how racism operates between and impacts lives; not just murders and lynchings and being targeted by police and disproportionately sentenced to prison; not just stealth discriminatory policies; but the looks you may get, hearing coded phrases, like "present company excepted," watching the dynamics of racism play out right in front of you and being pretty sure perpetrators and witnesses have no idea. I want you to try it on for size instead of engaging in political and ethical debate. I want you to stop denying or wondering whether you engage in acts of implicit bias and start paying attention to learn HOW and WHEN you do it so you can learn to live up to your own code of ethics.

Now, why am I not jaded by living in environments of subtle-and-not-so-subtle racism, and why am I choosing to write about experiencing it if, as I am expressing here, I actually love humanity and all of its potentials; how can I empathize (or attempt to) and have mercy and compassion when this darkness is imbedded within the Human Condition (that is, if you believe what I'm saying about racism is true)?

It is not because I swallowed whole Christian Dogma. Remember: I am a mystic. The indoctrinated Christian has a kind of belief, but it competes with other beliefs; the believer avoids having their faith tested; the faithful submits their faith to tests but struggles to see the bigger picture; the mystic perceives the nature of truth and its Source. Of course I can see what people want me to see and what is obvious to all, but I also see through this and perceive the "vibes" of ulterior motives, hidden agendas, and secret fears and pain. This is both talent and skill, and mine was honed as an interrogator in the military, a mental health therapist in three counties in Virginia, and a substance abuse counselor. My bullshit meter is the bomb. But this is not mystical; it is simply useful intuition and skill.

When mystical union and awareness infiltrated and eventually exploded my former experience of consciousness, I realized there is something far more real and important underlying and beyond our secret selves: the True Self; this unchanging, unconditional beacon of Light emanating from the Source of all life. Without trying to sound religious --because this was/is an experienced, subjective reality; not a "born again" baptism adoption of a belief-- it is the Essence of Life in each living being.

So when I say what I say, when i write wat I write; when I experience, feel, see, hear what I do; when I encounter you, I see in threes: what people want me to see, something of what they are hiding from me and even from themselves , and Who they are as pure, uncontaminated consciousness emanating Light.

I often temporarily see the first or second "you" onnly, but knowing the third "you" supercedes the rest, I am continually reminded to shift my perception and acknowedge THAT you. And when I do, it reawakens my awareness of THAT me, and our relationship becomes a kind of holy encounter; transitioning from an "I-it" or "You-me" dynamic into the "I-and-Thou; Here and Now" encounter. It is magnificent and awe-inspiring.

We have to deal in everyday life. We put out there what we believe we should be. We are pushed to show our ugly hidden parts in small and big ways by the psychodynamics of the psyche. But awareness of the Life Essence within us that IS us; that emanates from Source, is subjective proof of our Oneness. And no matter what anyone says or does, I am able to perceive it, and in the perceiving they sometimes, somehow are given a glimpse of their own pure potential, and the difference between it and their current reality lessens. This can transpire without a word spoken, and it isn't down to nonverbals because it can happen between two people in different rooms, houses, neighborhoods, towns or cities, counties, states, or countries. It is happening right now between you and me.

The ability to perceive both the secret darkness and the Hidden Light is a gift of my mystical experiences that I am most grateful for. So yes, I get tired, I get angry, I get serious, and I piss people off too. But the Light shining in me is one with the Light shining in you, even if its hidden. And it illuminates what is secret, but it also is a healing balm for both of us. THAT is why I have undertaken this blog. It is a mission to heal this aspect of our humanity. And I realized a couple of months ago that I have been prepared and am ready.

But the most wonderful aspect of my experience is that I am also fully aware that it doesn't take a fullblown mystical awakening to do what I do. We all can do this just by setting our minds to it. Practicing it inspires faith in the process which builds belief and increasing understanding of the phenomenon of Encounter. And who knows? Shifting your awareness in this way --without fanfare or introduction-- may lead to your mystical awakening. It will definitely help you to awaken to the myth of "White vs. Black" and heed the call for social justice.